She’s got a lot going on at the moment. She’s trying to start-up her business, maintain a good balanced family life, be a supportive partner mixed in with a bunch of general I-want-to-be-a-better-person aspirations that take her time, energy and effort. She describes herself as Drained. I asked her what was the primary cause of this and it transpired that she seemed to be “worried all the time”. No wonder she’s drained!

Worrying zaps your energy levels. Ever woken up from 8 hours sleep and still felt as though you could sleep through the day? It’s probably because whilst you’ve been sleeping your brain has been worrying. It’s exhausting!

There are lots of things that you can do to try and ease your worries. Practical things like planning your time and working towards small, well-defined goals and reclaiming back your control. But none of these things are really effective until you’ve addressed your worries head-on.

When I explained this to my friend, her gut reaction was “but that’s quite worrying!”

And she’s right. It is worrying.  You may find that once you confront your worries you unravel things that you didn’t know that you were worried about. At best, they’ll be worries that are unnecessary and time-consuming or at worst, they will be valid worries that need addressing. Question is, is it better to know what you’re dealing with and take steps to deal with it, or worry for the sake of worrying?

Most people, like my friend, agree that it’s best to know what the worries are so that you can get on with tackling the concerns and making things better. The first place to start is to find someone you trust to talk to. Make sure it’s going to be someone who is going to listen and be supportive. If you need someone who is going to be positive - find that person. Maybe you need someone who will listen without saying a word - agreed, easier said than done, but if you think hard enough I’m sure you’ll think of someone who would support you in this way. If you’re determined to make positive changes in your life, find a coach who will support and listen to you without judgement.

Once you’ve confronted your worries and you know where you stand you’ll start to feel a little more in control. There’s a reoccurring connection between worry and control. You will find yourself starting to feel better once you have regained a small amount of control. On the subject of worry, just knowing what you’re worried about and the impact that it has on your life will give you a sense of control. It’s from this place of power that you can begin to make changes and help to eliminate those worries altogether.

It’s not as simple as just knowing what your worries are for them to no longer zap your energy. You need to invest time and energy in changing the things that you worry about. I’m a big believer of doing things in baby-steps thus making a little progress regularly.

There’s a long journey to be taken to eliminate all worries. A couple of important things to remember:

1)   Worry is a good indicator of something not being “right”. Sounds obvious doesn’t it? An indicator is really useful, but until you do something about it, it will continue to stay with you and warn you. Heed the suggestions above and you’ll find worry begin to ease.

2)   You don’t have to be fire fighting all the time. Give yourself some control in your life so that the worries don’t drag you down. Maybe you decide on allocating a certain amount of time each week to an activity you like or taking a class. It need not be anything really big, just deciding on when you’ll take time out to relax or giving yourself the guiltless freedom to watch your favorite television programme regularly can help you to maintain calm and control.

We all have a Worry Wart inside of us. Confront your worries and begin to control them and you’ll be well on your way to warrioring through your worries!

Yours,

Coach Kalpna

“Winning starts with beginning.”

Tony Robbins

He’s absolutely right of course. How can you begin to win, if you never begin in the first place? Much like me, I’m sure you have projects or dreams or aspirations that you want to make happen in your life. Some of these projects or dreams have been waiting to get started for some time. Maybe you’ve told yourself that you’ll get to it later - maybe next year, once so-and-so is finished or when you’ve got more time.

The reality is that some of the things that you never get started, will never become real and give you the pleasure or success that you’ve dreamed of.

So, the advice sounds like “get it started” or “begin now” and in it’s simplest form, that is the advice. But of course, it’s never as easy as that. There are real obstacles that you have to face head-on and barriers that you have to invest both time and effort in overcoming. So the daunting question of “…but where will I begin?” starts to work itself up inside of you. I know it does me.

Fortunately, I have friends who I can turn to and seek further reassurance, advice and support. When I confronted my best friend with this dilemma, she said:

“Plan your work and work your plan.”

Hema Lad, Bestest gal-pal

Eureka! Maybe she’s related to Tony?! She’s right. You need to work out the steps that will get you started, get you to the middle and the end of your project. In fact, the very first step may be to work out how you can find an hour a week to devote entirely to this new project. That first hour can then be spent in drawing up the next steps that will take you slightly further forward. Before you know it, you’ll have plan that tells you what activities you need to do, how much time it’s going to take you and when you’re going to do it. Once the plan is in place “…work your plan.” Follow through on the actions that you set yourself. Be realistic and remember that you are working towards the bigger picture.

This incremental approach may not be the big-bang, throw-caution-to-the-wind approach that you envisioned for your project or dream. But it will give you that all important Beginning. And remember, “Winning starts with beginning.”

Here’s wishing you every success in your new beginnings. Do let me know what projects you get started, I’d love to hear from you!

Yours,

Coach Kalpna

“If you want to move people, it has to be towards a vision which is positive for them.”

Martin Luther King

Of course, I agree. How can you move people if it does not have a positive outcome for them? Although this applies to the big changes in which lots of people are involved, it also applies to smaller teams of people, whether that team be your family or your work teams.

It also applies to any vision you hold for yourself and your future. In fact this is the most important vision of all. If you have an inspiring vision for yourself, one that motivates you, excites you and fills you with joy, the more likely you are to motivate others, excite them and fill them with joy!

The point is that if you want to move yourself forward, you need to have a positive vision for yourself.

It sounds simple enough. But how many times have you set a goal that feels like a chore or a task to get done? What about those eating-healthy goals? Or giving-something-up goals?

That’s not to say that those goals are not important or worthy. It’s remembering to take the time to build a solid and positive vision around those goals. For instance, if you want to give something up remember to address why it’s important for you to do that. What benefits will you get? What benefits will others get? How will you feel? How will you reward yourself? Build up your vision to be as compelling as possible. Make your vision as positive as possible. Make it inspire you and motivate you. Get this right, and reap the rewards of being successful in whatever you choose to pursue.

Let me know how you get on with setting positive visions for yourself!

Coach Kalpna

Of course, when you first start towards building up your brilliant idea into the reality that you want from it you’ve got masses of momentum, enthusiasm and get-up and go. As time goes on, you start to lose that momentum, worries creep in and both your enthusiasm and get-up and go begin to diminish. You’re not alone, it happens to us all.  

Question is, how do you overcome this? And is it enough to overcome it once? If you’re anything like my clients, obstacles don’t just appear the once, there’s usually a string of things that need dealing with, things that require momentum, enthusiasm and unfaltering belief that you can make your dreams come true. 

A good starting point is to really know the reasons for why your dream is important to you. Understand this and you’re a long way towards achieving your dreams and goals already. These are the reasons that are going to help you keep going and give you the motivation to do the unfun things that you have to do to get to where you want to be.

My advise would be to really think about these reasons, really understand what this means to you and the benefits for putting in your hard work and effort. I spend a lot of time in this area with my clients. This is so that when they hit obstacles I can guide them through them. I find that people with a dream already have momentum and enthusiasm, but they sometimes need me to help them realize that they have unfaltering belief too.

As well as having your own reasons to help you remain motivated, remember that in the grand scheme of things, you’re not alone. Remember that there are others like you out there going after their dreams. Find things that inspire you - this could be inspirational things or inspirational people. Today, I want to share with you something that inspires me. I’m pretty sure it’s going to inspire you too!

Click here to view the embedded video.

Good isn’t it?

Remember anything is possible. Go on, make your dreams come true!

Coach Kalpna

“Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.”

Albert Schweitzer

Sometimes in life, the words of others can really drive a message home.

Stay happy!

Coach Kalpna

Criticism is when someone offers you their opinion or judgement about you or a characteristic that you have. For example friends may say that you are opinionated, forceful, unfriendly or a control-freak. On some level you may be able to reconcile their opinion with the opinion that you have of yourself. But what happens when you hear feedback about yourself that doesn’t sit well with you? What if you absolutely disagree with it? What if you feel hurt, upset, disgruntled or down-right annoyed with what you hear? You’re only human, you can’t help but take things personally when the message being delivered to you is in the form of “I think…. therefore you are!”

But what if you stopped to evaluate the criticism without any emotional involvement? I know, easier said than done. But it can be done. Instead of thinking of it as criticism think of as constructive feedback. 

Feedback differs from criticism in it’s delivery. The intention of constructive feedback is to provide useful comments and suggestions that when acted upon can be used to produce positive results - for you. It’s this last bit that people forget - FOR YOU. And I forgot last night when I worked myself up into a frenzy that I had a choice about how to handle this feedback for my own gain.

Here are 3 steps that you can use to coach yourself into thinking of criticism that you receive as feedback that you can evaluate.

Step 1: Take one step back. Start with asking: “What is the constructive feedback?”

Don't be a victim!

O.K. so not everyone delivers their message as constructive feedback. More often than not someone will make a passing comment about you, maybe even in jest but it strikes something in you. Maybe someone says something in anger or maybe someone says something because they really want you to change. First work out what the message is. Take out all the judgement that sits inside of the message. For example, if someone says that you should be less opinionated and forceful, reframe this message positively. That message could be: If I were less forceful with my opinions I might be invited out to more social situations. 

Step 2: “Is the feedback of benefit to me?”

So now you’ve got a message that tells you that if you do something, something else may happen. Now you need to decide whether any changes you make are worth the outcome that you may get. By doing this you’ll determine whether the feedback is of benefit to you and it’ll help you answer the question in step 3.

Step 3: “How should I handle this feedback?”

This is where you give yourself the choice to accept or reject the feedback. Often it is assumed that if someone tells you something you should accept the truth in the comments and take action to rectify your behavior. Using my example, what if you don’t actually believe that you are forceful with your opinions? What if you like challenging conversations with like-minded people? What if you believe that you’re just a strong communicator and enjoy being so? And what if you don’t want to be invited out to more social situations? If any of this is true then you could decide to reject the feedback. If however, the benefits outweigh any changes you can make to get the results that YOU want, then you can choose to accept the feedback (not the criticism).

If you use these 3 simple steps to convert any criticism you get into constructive feedback you’ll put yourself in a position of power - the power to choose to accept or reject the criticism that you have received.

Do let me know how you’re handling your feedback!

Coach Kalpna

Richard Branson, the British superstar entrepreneur, said it best:

 “I believe in goals. It’s never a bad thing to have a dream, but I’m practical about it. I don’t sit daydreaming about things that are impossible. I set goals and then work out how to achieve them.”* 

Branson has been setting and acheiving goals for many years now. And so can you.

I wholeheartly agree with Branson. It’s a great thing to have a dream but unless you turn that dream into a realistic goal with a timescale, the dream may always remain a faraway dream.

But what if you’re not used to setting goals? How do you do it? Read on…

Step 1: What’s my dream?

Decide what your dream is. Ask yourself one or all of the following:

- What area of my life do I want to change?

- What things am I unhappy with?

- Where would I like to be in one, two, three years time?

Step 2: What’s my goal?

Translate your dream into a goal and write it down. Make sure it has a timescale and make it positive!

So, for example, if you’re unhappy in your job, you might write: “By August 2009 I will be doing a job that I really enjoy.” 

Or a relationship goal might look like: “I will be in a fulfilling relationship by the end of 2009″. 

Imagine yourself having achieved your goal, ask yourself:

- What am I feeling/seeing/hearing/doing/saying?

- Is my goal realistic?

- Is my goal challenging enough?

- How will I know that I’ve achieved my goal?

Step 3: What’s my reality?

Take time to assess where you are now in relation to your goal. Ask yourself:

- What have I done so far?

- What’s stopped me from moving forward?

- What skills/attributes/attitudes do I have that will help me reach my goal?

Step 4: What are my options?

Get your thinking cap on! Ask yourself what options are available to you to get you closer to your goal. Be wild! Brainstorm. No matter how unrealistic the option feels, write it down. Ask yourself:

- If money/time were no object, what else could I do?

- What would the person I most trust suggest that I could do?

You’ll have a good selection of options. Decide on which options you can take action on. Make sure you choose one or two options that you can do immediately. Consider the benefits of the options that you choose and check that the option takes you closer to your goal. 

Step 5: What WILL I do?

You’ve reviewed your options. Now you need to decide which of these you’ll turn into actions. Be sure you’re commited to taking the actions. Ask yourself:

- What am I going to do?

- When am I going to do it? (Schedule it. make sure you’ve made the time for it!)

- How am I going to do it?

- What might stop me from doing it? (If this happens, what’s plan B?)

- What will I feel when I’ve done it?

Congratulations! You have just coached yourself!

This goal setting process will help you find your inner Richard Branson.

“…set goals and work out how to achieve them.” 

Happy goal setting!

Coach Kalpna 

* Book reference: Richard Branson, Screw it, Let’s do it

They say everyone has a book inside of them. They’re not wrong! I’m working on my own masterpiece.

In fact, I should be working on it right now. But I’m not. I’ve already developed writer’s block. So what does a coach do when they get writer’s block? Well, first I go and get myself a cup of tea - it’s important to be relaxed and happy before tackling big things. Then, I root through my trusty coaching toolbox (yes, there’s an actual box!) and find a suitable tool that will aid my inspiration. I personally find that I need to be in the right frame of mind to approach certain tasks. I think that’s true of everyone. That’s why when I’m coaching I always check in with my coachees to see what frame of mind they’re in. Coaching is supposed to be fun and inspirational but it’s difficult to get that sort of energy if you’ve got other distractions on your mind. So that’s when I turn to my trusty toolbox and see if I can pull from it something that will get coachees into a good, positive state. It’s from this position that great ideas are generated.

So, tea in hand, toolbox out and I come across my mind-mapping game. In essence this game uncovers ideas that you may not even know you had. No really, try it! First think of something that you’re struggling with then get yourself a blank piece of paper and in the centre write your issue in a few short words. Draw a big bubble around your words. Then, say out loud, “Anything is possible!”*. With that in mind, start drawing tentacles from the bubble and at the end of each tentacle put a possible solution to your issue. The solution may not feel realistic at first but that’s not the point of this first stage. The point is to get as many potential solutions down as possible. When I use this game I always get my coachees to throw in one wild card or off-the-wall option or solution. Once you’ve got a good selection of solutions, take each one individually and draw another tentacle from each one and write the things that you would need to do to achieve that solution. Again, keep your mind open to the possibility of everything being possible!

Once you’ve finished you’ll have a very good selection of potential solutions and the steps you would need to take to achieve them. At this point some solutions will jump out to you because they’ll seem natural and easy to do. 

And to prove that it works, I’m sat here blogging to you. How is that proof? Well, one of my mind map solutions was to seek the advice of others who would have great ideas themselves about the sort of things that they would want to read, or have already been inspired to go out and read or write about - that’s you guys! It was my wild card solution, but I have to be honest I think it’s going to bring great input and inspiration. I look forward to hearing from you! :-) 

Get involved!

Got any ideas of your own?

Read something interesting that inspired you?

Still searching for that all inspiring masterpiece yourself?

 I can’t wait to read your comments!

* This may sound a bit silly, but it’s based on the science of NLP and it really works! In a nutshell, the act of saying a positive statement allows the mind to remove blocks.

Why do you do this?

Because I love it! I love helping people gain clarity and then with the help of coaching see them achieve their dreams.

Can you give me examples of this?

Sure. I recently worked with a BA student working towards becoming a publisher who was struggling to write her very first article. Together we confronted her fears – not only the ones holding her back but the ones that were helping her move towards her dream too. After two coaching sessions with me, she’d written her first article and sent it to the publisher for review!

I’ve also worked with people who want to set-up their own businesses, want better control over their career progression and others who want more work-life balance in their lives.

Of course there are others that I’ve worked with who have been unsure as to what they want to work towards but have that universal feeling of “something is missing” or “something isn’t right”. I’ve worked with them to help them gain clarity and assess the things that are of importance to them. These people tell me that it’s liberating finally knowing what it is that they want even if they don’t have it yet. And of course they have my coaching to support them as they work towards their goal.

Sounds like you’ve worked with many different people with differing dreams. How do you support such a variety of people and goals?

I have a coaching process that I use to ensure that the people get the very best out of their coaching sessions. You can read about the step-by-step process on the Coaching section of the website.  Further to this I always tailor the coaching sessions to meet the requirements of the person I’m coaching. I’m there to support their goals and keep them focused on them and I find that different people like different things. For instance, some people really like to be challenged with activities and questions that are short and sharp whilst others like questions and games that allow them to reflect. I always check with people to ensure that they are happy with the coaching methods that I am using – I find that if they’re moving towards their goal, it’s a good sign that whatever the coaching method is, it’s working.

So you work with individuals on personal goals?

Yes I do. I also work with businesses to help their people work towards company goals. I find that businesses who sign up to coaching services with me really value their people and want to invest in making sure that they have a happy workforce. One of the best ways of doing this is not only to coach teams on company goals but to also allow for the scope of coaching people on their personal goals. It makes people feel valued and motivated to work towards company goals.

Where did you gain your coaching expertise?

Nothing beats good old practice. As they say: “practice makes permanent!” I’ve worked with many people to achieve their goals. I’ve also worked within organizations where I’ve coached individuals to be successful in their roles. On a more academic note I’ve almost completed my Diploma in Personal Performance Coaching and a Diploma in Corporate and Executive Coaching both accredited by the Coaching Academy. Both these Diplomas are endorsed and accredited by The Open College Network (highest level), The Open Distance Learning Quality Council, The Institute of Leadership Management (ILM) and Education Development International Plc.

Where do you work?

I’m based in North London, UK and do face-to-face coaching primarily in London. I do telephone coaching all over the world.

How would you describe your coaching service in three words?

Coaching that works!